How do I better understand my wife after she has been ually aulted?

What she is doing does NOT make any sense! It seems more like when SHE wants it, that's when she's agreeable to it. Also the very fact she DID IT BEFORE you were married tells me there really cannot be a "problem" with it! You're the SAME person now that you were then. There is NO excuse for her to be acting any differently now as apposed to them. I truly believe she just may be "using it" as an excuse as to when she feels like it. I've read & reread your post, trying to maybe read between the lines, but you're rite, this does NOT make one bit of sense to me either. There's NO reason for her to feel differently NOW vs BEFORE you got married. Therefore, she's SHOWN YOU she's capable of doing it w/o it "bothering" her. I feel for some reason she's honestly using this at her "advantage", but do NOT understand her reasoning. IF there ever comes the opportunity, I'd ask her IF she'd "help you" understand something you're perplexed about. Then just come out w/it. Just ask her to try to "make you" understand because it's bothering you & you don't want to upset her, but it in turn is upsetting you. See IF she's willing to help you w/this. Best to you...:)